A New Attitude

Woo hoo! I got another special order of my jewelry and it's because I finally got up the courage to do something new...talk about myself!

I have always been the quiet sort, ever since junior high school. Before that I was a chatterbox...one of my elementary school teachers even wrote in my report card that "Susanna has a tendency to talk too much in class". It's funny, I guess at that age, I had alot to say and apparently said it. I spent my elementary school years in a nice lower middle class neighborhood. My best friend was African-American and I had a lot of Caucasian friends, there were just a few Asians. I had friends I'd known since I could talk in whole sentences, and the security of knowing my place in the universe, although probably on a subconcious level, I was young after all, so I felt ok to express myself. Of course none of us ever thought about race, that's just me writing it all down now. There were hardly any Asians in my neighborhood or school, but although I looked different, I never felt out of place. Also, I guess no self conciousness had worked it's way into my psyche yet and I felt perfectly at home talking to my teachers, classmates, friends and complete strangers.

The traumatic experience that changed that talkativeness and lack of self conciousness was moving in the middle of 6th grade to a new nicer middle class neighborhood that was about 20 miles away. It may as well have been 2000 miles away. I finished off 6th grade at my old school, but when 7th grade rolled around, I was on my own. I remember the long walk to the bus stop and being alone. Seeing kids who had known each other for as long as I'd known my elementary school friends chatting with one another and not me, and feeling sad and out of place. The first day of school, there was a big gathering in the gym for all students to attend...that was when I got the biggest shock of my life...I had never seen soooo many Asians gathered together in one place before! I had a rude awakening, I did not look different anymore and I certainly didn't know how to talk to 'Asians', other than my family. I also got an education in snobbery. I had heard whispered comments about my clothes and my 'highwater' pants and my mannerisms...things that were perfectly acceptable w/ my old elementary school buddies. Alot of these popular girls wore makeup and nicer, more fashionable clothes and came from 'rich' families, whatever 'rich' meant to a 7th grader. I came to a realization that if I could just be quiet, not call attention to myself, and pretend to ignore those comments, I'd feel better and these people would leave me alone. That was the first layer of the hard shell I spent a large part of my life building. Don't get me wrong, I did have a small group of very nice, good friends in junior high and high school who accepted me as I was and I am happy to say, some of whom have remained very good friends to this day. Quality, not quantity!

So enough of the deep, introspective stuff! Moving from my hometown of Sacramento has forced me to come out of my comfortable shell. I am happy that I've realized that in order to be happy up here, I must be open and non judgemental to all new experiences. My nature is still to be quiet and I have to make a very concerted effort to talk with people I don't know, but I'm finding that a little bit of my old elementary school self is making an appearance and that is a good thing! My attitude now is that strangers are just new friends I don't know yet! And if I just talk and share a bit, who knows what great places it will lead?

Counting on One Hand to Two!

I can't believe I've been here in Washington for two months and am into month three! Time has gone by so quickly that I'm wondering where it went. I've had many new experiences and my feelings about moving are slowly beginning to change. Everything is pretty new still, people and places, but it's feeling a bit more like home now that I'm getting familiar w/ the area. I can count on one hand still the number of times I've been most places, but that'll soon change to two hands! Woohoo! I've been to Seattle five times, West Seattle twice, Kirkland once, Tukwila countless times, Bonney Lake once, Auburn once, Federal Way twice, Seatac Airport three times, and tomorrow, I'll be going to Bellevue for the 1st time. There is just so much to do here and I'm learning about it from the people I've been meeting.

The weekend before last, I shared a booth at a bead show at the Seattle Center, very near where the Space Needle is. My buddy from Sac, Danielle, had her mom come up here and sell her dichroic glass at the show, and her mom, Vivian, who's a sweetie, came and stayed with James and I over the weekend. The show was interesting...didn't sell much jewelry since most people were looking for components, but I did make a few contacts and the important thing is that I'm getting out there and meeting others who are into the art and craft scene. So I guess I can say that I could also count the number of times I've met up with anyone up here on one hand too! I definitely am looking forward to the day when I run out of fingers and toes to count!